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Native American Name --- Joke!

A Native American brave was curious as to how he had received his name. So he went to speak to his father, the chieftain of the tribe.

"Father," he asked, "how is it that I acquired my name. The noble chieftain began a long narrative for his youngest son.

"Well, my son, I named you and both of your brothers for an event which occurred on the day each of you were born. For example, the day your eldest brother was born, I saw a deer running swiftly through the forest, so I named him Deer Running Swiftly.

"Likewise, when your middle brother was born, the rain was pouring hard outside of the wigwam, so I named him Rain Pouring Hard.

"Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?"

Indian Chief and Rattlesnake

An Indian chief was walking down a path and he came across a rattlesnake. The rattlesnake was getting old. He asked, "Please dear Chief, can you take me to the top of the mountain? I hope to see the sunset one last time before I die." The Chief answered "No Mr. Rattlesnake. If I pick you up, you'll bite me and I'll die." The rattlesnake said, "No, I promise. I won't bite you. Just please take me up to the mountain." The Chief thought about it and finally picked up that rattlesnake and took it close to his chest and carried it up to the top of the mountain. They sat there and watched the sunset together. It was so beautiful. Then after sunset the rattlesnake turned to the Chief and asked, "Can I go home now? I am tired, and I am old." The Chief picked up the rattlesnake and again took it to his chest and held it tightly and safely. He came all the way down the mountain holding the snake carefully and took it to his home to give him some food and a place to sleep. The next day the rattlesnake turned to the Chief and asked, "Please dear Chief, will you take me back to my home now? It is time for me to leave this world, and I would like to be at my home now." The Chief felt he had been safe all this time and the snake had kept his word, so he would take it home as asked. He carefully picked up the snake, took it close to his chest, and carried him back to the woods, to his home to die. Just before he laid the rattlesnake down, the rattlesnake turned and bit him in the chest. The Chief cried out and threw the snake upon the ground. "Mr. Snake, why did you do that? Now I will surely die!" The rattlesnake looked up at him and grinned, "You knew what I was when you picked me up."

Tired old dog joke

An old tired-looking dog wanders into a guy's yard. He examines the dog's collar and feels his well-fed belly and knows the dog has a home. The dog follows him into the house, goes down the hall, jumps on the couch, gets comfortable and falls asleep. The man thinks its rather odd, but lets him sleep. After about an hour the dog wakes up, walks to the door and the guy lets him out. The dog wags his tale and leaves. The next day the dog comes back and scratches at the door. The guy opens the door, the dog comes in, goes down the hall, jumps on the couch, gets comfortable and falls asleep again. The man lets him sleep. After about an hour the dog wakes up, walks to the door and the guy lets him out. The dog wags his tale and leaves. This goes on for days. The guy grows really curious, so he pins a note on the dog's collar: "Your dog has been taking a nap at my house every day." The next day the dog arrives with another note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with four children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?

Muslim Joke

Bush and Rumsfeld are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Rumsfeld sitting over there?"
The bartender says, "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor! What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We're planning WW III."
And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big boobs."
The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big boobs? Why kill a blonde with big boobs?"
Bush turns to Rumsfeld and says, "See, I told you .. no one cares about the 140 million Muslims"

St Peter

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died."

The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.

He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job.

"Tell me about the day you died?", he said to the third man in line.

"OK, picture this, I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator ..."

Jewish Orgasm Joke

Three old men are discussing their sex lives.

The Italian says, "Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body all over with olive oil, we made passionate love, and she screamed for five minutes at the end."

The Frenchman boasts, "Last week when my wife and I had sex, I rubbed her body all over with butter. We then made passionate love and she screamed for fifteen minutes."

The Jewish man says, "Last week my wife and I had sex. I rubbed her body all over with chicken fat, we made love, and she screamed for six hours."

The others are stunned and ask, "What could you have possibly done to make your wife scream for six hours?"

 "I wiped my hands on the drapes."

American War Joke... Arab bashing I

The Saudi Ambassador to the UN has just finished giving speech
and walks out into the lobby where he meets President Bush.
They shake hands and as they walk the Saudi says, "You know,
I have just one question about what I have seen in America."
President Bush says "Well your Excellency,anything I can do
to help you I will do. The Saudi whispers "My son watches this show 'StarTrek' and in it thereare Russians, Blacks, and Asians, but never any Arabs. He is very upset. He doesn't understand why there are never any Arabs in 'Star Trek.'"

President Bush laughs and leans toward the Saudi, and whispers back: "It's because it takes place in the future...."