St Peter

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died."

The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.

He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job.

"Tell me about the day you died?", he said to the third man in line.

"OK, picture this, I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator ..."

Jewish Orgasm Joke

Three old men are discussing their sex lives.

The Italian says, "Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body all over with olive oil, we made passionate love, and she screamed for five minutes at the end."

The Frenchman boasts, "Last week when my wife and I had sex, I rubbed her body all over with butter. We then made passionate love and she screamed for fifteen minutes."

The Jewish man says, "Last week my wife and I had sex. I rubbed her body all over with chicken fat, we made love, and she screamed for six hours."

The others are stunned and ask, "What could you have possibly done to make your wife scream for six hours?"

 "I wiped my hands on the drapes."

American War Joke... Arab bashing I

The Saudi Ambassador to the UN has just finished giving speech
and walks out into the lobby where he meets President Bush.
They shake hands and as they walk the Saudi says, "You know,
I have just one question about what I have seen in America."
President Bush says "Well your Excellency,anything I can do
to help you I will do. The Saudi whispers "My son watches this show 'StarTrek' and in it thereare Russians, Blacks, and Asians, but never any Arabs. He is very upset. He doesn't understand why there are never any Arabs in 'Star Trek.'"

President Bush laughs and leans toward the Saudi, and whispers back: "It's because it takes place in the future...."